I am a die-hard Simpsons fan. I quote Homer pretty much three times a day, every day. Since I was 11. I stopped watching the show religiously when I went to university (around the end of the millennium) because, although it had started to get lame, honestly I just kept forgetting to tune in on Sunday nights (was preparing for Monday morning classes, studying and all… yahhh…).
So because I am such a huge fan, it was really hard for me to admit this season that I really wish the show would end. It’s just not funny anymore. They try too hard to be “with it” and it SHOWS. It was funnier when it was irreverent and simple. And although kids did take to “The Bart Man” in the ’80s when it first came out, The Simpsons really isn’t a kids’ show. But nowadays it’s like they are those middle-aged parents opening Facebook accounts and starting Twitter feeds to say to their teenagers, “See!? Huh!? I’m with it. I’m hip. Duck-a-duck-a-duck-a…heyyy.”
Regardless, I will always hold the show near and dear, and so in honour of my affinity for the past, I present to you my Top 10 Favourite Episodes. This list is always changing, but my top 5 remain strong. I know there’s tonnes I am missing, so feel free to add them in the Comments section!
AND SO THE LIST BEGINS:
1. When Homer and Mindy Simmons go to the convention in the Windy Apple: “The Last Temptation of Homer.” So many good lines from this episode (i.e. “Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts!”) but really I love it because Mindy is the perfect female Homer.
Scene: Homer is attracted to Mindy and afraid he’s going to cheat on Marge.
Cracking open his fortune cookie at dinner with Mindy, it says “You will find happiness with a new love,” and Homer groans “Even the Chinese are against me!” Then they go back to their hotel and Homer starts to cry.
Mindy: Homer, what’s wrong?
Homer: Yeah, like you don’t know. We’re gonna have sexxxxx!!
Mindy: Well, we don’t have to…
Homer: Yes we do. The cookie told me so!
Mindy: Desserts aren’t always right.
Homer: But they’re so sweet!
2. Homer’s real Mom returns to Springfield: “Mother Simpson.” This is a hidden gem. Not many people would list this as their #2, but when you watch it you will agree it’s one of the best. So many of the greatest one-liners come from this episode alone! My fav “I’m a livin’ joke!” by Grandpa Simpson for example. Or when Mr. Burns tries to storm the Simpsons’ house in a tank and puts on some “war music” but Waylan had recorded over it by accident with “Waterloo” by Abba. Oh, good times. Had. By. All.
Also: my fav scene from all episodes is at the very end when the credits roll. Homer is sitting on the hood of his car in the desert, looking up at the stars. So poignant! Sigh.
3. “Lisa The Vegetarian.” You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad! Sing it with me!
“It’s just a little airborn, it’s still good.” ‘Nuff said.
4. The chilli cook-off episode: “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer.” OMG. Good episode. Like my friend J said, “Marge, where are my chilli boots!?” But I love it for the coyote. “Find your soulmate, Homer.” The first time I ate habanero salsa I swear I saw my spirit guide. Or maybe that was just Milo.
Anyhoo, I also love how Marge tracks Homer down at the lighthouse because of his disdain for public transit, and how Springfield slopes down in that direction.
Homer: It’s like you’re from Venus…
Marge: And you’re from Mars!
Homer: Sure, give me the one with all the monsters.
I also enjoy the line “I’m just your memory. I can’t give you any new information.”
5. Mulder and Scully and the alien sighting: “The Springfield Files.”
Alien: I bring you peace.
Crazed Mob: He’s bringing peace! Quick, don’t let him get away! Break his legs!
Maybe I just love this episode because The X Files reminds me of high school.
Or, because of lines like these:
Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentlemen’s club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it’s a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney’s car eating packets of mustard. Happy?
Mmm…mustard.
6. Lisa joins the hockey team: “Lisa on Ice.” Like when Bart and Lisa start kicking and punching the air in each other’s general direction, “And if you get hurt, it’s your OWN fault!”
Marge: Homer, now don’t you eat this pie.
Homer: Alright… Okay, pie, I’m just gonna go like this [chomping action], and if you get eaten, it’s your OWN fault!
Other amazing one-liners include:
Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible!
and,
Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else – and it hasn’t – it’s that girls should stick to girls’ sports, like hot oil wrestling, foxy-boxing, and such-and-such.
7. Homer’s car gets the clamp on its tire at the World Trade Centre: “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson.”
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice?
Homer: Blech! Ew! I’ll take a crab juice.
Did you know this episode featured the first appearance of Duffman?
8. Homer goes on disability: “King Size Homer.” Like when Homer’s working on his home computer and it says to press any key, and he’s like “Where’s the ANY key?” and then sees the TAB key and says “Mmm, a Tab!” and pushes it and the computer starts and he’s like “Oh, no time for a Tab now! The computer’s starting!”
OMG too many good ones to list all here. But for starters:
Phone Operator: The fingers you are trying to dial with are too fat… please mash the keyboard with your palm now.
Bart: [After Maggie gives Homer a piece of plasticine to eat] Dad, it says it’s non-toxic!
Homer: [Already in mid-chew] Well, that’s a plus.
Homer: Stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge!
And, of course, the classic…
Homer: I don’t want to look stupid. Just give me the muumuu.
9. The new Lisa at Flanders’ beach house: “Summer of 4 Ft. 2.” When the family is sitting around playing Dream Date and Bart gets the dud and Homer says to Milhouse, “He looks like you, Poindexter!” Or when Milhouse signs Lisa’s yearbook at the end of the trip and says “See you in the car!” LOL
Memorable moments:
Milhouse: School’s out! Up yours, Krabappel!
Shop Clerk: Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it.
Homer: Yeah, um, give me one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a box of panty shields… and some illegal fireworks… and one of those disposable enemas. You know what, make it two.
Marge: [Later] Homer, whatever you’re planning for tonight, count me out.
Lisa: It beats doing stuff.
New girl: Yeah, stuff sucks.
Homer: Sweet merciful crap!
And my fav line…
Lisa: [talking to herself after a seagull scares her] You don’t control the birds. You will one day, but not now.
10. “Whacking Day.” Oh, Whacking Day, how could I forget thee!?
Homer: Whack, whack.
Marge: Woo, woo.
Homer: Whack, whack, whack!
Marge: Woo, woo, woo!
Homer: I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!
Barry White: I love the sexy slither of a woman snake.
SO MANY MORE:
The end of the world angel: “Lisa the Skeptic.” Of course my favourite part of this great episode is when Ned Flanders sings “Que Sera Sera” at the end. I guess this one is good just because it’s smart AND funny (just like me! LOL).
But what about “No beer and no TV make Homer something something” Halloween special? Or “The doll’s trying to kill me and the toaster’s been laughing at me!” And when Homer goes to Chocolate Land and sees a sign for 50% off chocolate!? Or Jacques the bowling instructor?
OR THIS!
Homer: Ooh look at me! I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man from Happy Land! I live in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, in case you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic.
Marge: Well, duh.
I need to stop. This list could go on forever. Okay, one more…
Ralph: Yay, sleep! That’s where I’m a viking!
THE THOMPSONS 4EVA
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***Please note, I apologize for any errors or omissions in my quotes… they are from memory not necessarily verbatim!